It wants,
But must deny.

It feels,
But finds out why.

It asks,
But not in words.

It runs,
But has to wait.

It accepts,
But with reason.

It hopes,
But dims the light.

It dies,
But leaves a wisp.

RBR, November 13, 2005

(**What is it?**)

Like many of us, I spend parts of every day driving in my car. Today I ran along side a larger passenger van from a nursing home. Glancing up occasionally. I could see there were only a few people in the vehicle. All of a sudden, it dawned on me --- there was Lonnie --- sitting by the window, no longer in the driver's seat.

Lonnie used to go to our church and spent many years there, contributing in every way. For years he stood by my husband in the choir loft. Lonnie enjoyed singing so much, he even donated a complete makeover of the choir rehearsal room. As Lonnie got older and forgetful, he had to give up singing with us, but still came to church regularly. Some Sundays, we choir members would look for him out in the congregation sitting with one of his daughters. Even that hour became too much for him, as his Alzheimer's progressed along with some other health problems, until he had to move to a nursing home.

A few months ago we went to a birthday party for Lonnie at his new home. He didn't remember us or even some family members, but he still enjoyed the party since it was for him! Thankfully, he can still read most words and one funny birthday card kept attracting his attention --- over and over he read it, and with each time he enjoyed it as much as the first time!

Lonnie's life has changed drastically since we first met him twenty-five years ago. It all seems terrible to us on the outside, but who are we to judge how bad life is for him now? Changing and not knowing one has changed doesn't seem so bad. Lonnie was happy that day and for someone approaching 90, that's a good thing!

I was born in my grandfather's house.

All the adults who witnessed my birth are dead now, and even though my mother is gone, she told me the story of how I came into the world during an early December snowstorm. My parents and oldest sister were staying at my father's parents' farm house in Kentucky. Times were tough for my soon-to-be larger family. My mother was small and probably underweight for a full-term pregnant woman. I know that my sister and I were both unplanned, true gifts from God.

When the time came, my father went to get the doctor, but even with professional help, dad helped bring me into the world. That's not all he did --- he named me Rita --- after his favorite movie star, Rita Hayworth. Having come early, I was extremely small and even my grandmother remarked how I looked like a little doll baby laying on her bed pillow.

My middle name is Carol, in honor of the Christmas season; however, for many years my nickname was "Rita-Pete." When I was younger, I lamented about having a birthday so close to Christmas, but if I hadn't come early, it would have been even closer! I don't mind now. Back then, it was always a good reason for not getting many birthday presents!! "It's too close to Christmas" was a familiar statement heard around my birthday.

In one week it will be my birthday again. Not matter how long I live, it will never be enough. Time goes fast and the years add up quickly and this birthday is a major one ending in a zero! Egad!! How did I get so old? But I don't feel sad or bad. It is wonderful to think over the past year and I look forward to this next one with great anticipation.

I don't know what will come my way --- it may be a year to test my mettle --- but life is always good. I plan to enjoy it all with celebration and laughter and love!

That weird Burger King freaks me out!

Ever since he appeared on the marketing scene --- the one where the man wakes up in bed with the really big-headed Burger King --- I've considered him scarier than a Steven King clown. Next they had one where the creepy King is looking through a person's window, then pays off the "Peeping Tom" charge by giving the guy a breakfast omelet. For some reason, I didn't mind the one where he spikes the football. BK's giant plastic head seemed to fit in among the overly-padded players.

Well, yikes, he's back again!!!

Now the Burger King peeks around the construction site of a skyscraper and almost knocks the worker off the I-beam with a slap on the back, after sharing burgers together.

Stop it, BK, before somebody gets hurt!!!

One day I got stuck behind an "old lady" driver --- I probably fit into that broad category now, even though I try to look savvy while driving my van. Anyhow, she had a handicap tag dangling from her rear view mirror. I had to come closer to her car than I wanted to because she frequently slowed down for no apparent reason and I expected her to stop or turn in front of me without warning. But, nooooooooo, she didn't do anything......just kept poking along.

That's when I noticed it. The license tag was mounted upside down!

Now that's a first for me. How could someone put a tag on upside down? I've seen no tag. I've even seen them muddied up or painted over by hoodlums so cops can't ID them or law-abiding citizens can't write down their number. This woman didn't outwardly fit any police profile. Great-Grandma drug dealer? Some people claim anything hung upside down is an international distress signal --- and it's most likely true that she needs help --- but I've concluded that she just didn't know any better.


This picture from the internet shows another possible reason for an upside down tag!