Traveling on the highways today, we are at the mercy of whatever befalls us. Some people even disappear --- but I've got my mind on toilets again today.

In coming back from my Sister Weekend, I had to go! And I needed gas too. So, I'm sucked off the interstate by a promise of the cheapest gasoline around. A whole twenty cents cheaper than where I live. I fall for it.

Okay, first off, the pump worked fine, but didn't give me a receipt which meant I've got to get in the long line indoors to get a printed receipt. After that, I'm finally off to the toilet.

A tiny piece of white paper taped to the door of the ladies' room informs all who enter to knock first cause the LOCK DOESN'T WORK!!!

Egads --- and this door faces a glass wall looking out over main street. I gotta go BAD and this is what I get? The toilet is sooooooo far away from the door I can't even hold it shut with a foot either. Reluctantly I go in, after knocking, and praying no one opens the door --- perhaps just to see if the sign is right! I cover the grungy seat with clean toilet paper, do my tinkling while keeping an eye on any movement from the door, and quickly get the heck out of there. It doesn't even look like a place where I want to wash my hands!!! Thank you, germ-X.

Extremely cheap gas and possibly a chance to moon an entire small town in North Carolina? Yes, sir, and howdy! Life is always an adventure on the open road.

After consulting the best digit doctors around the globe, I'm ecstatic to report my crushed and fractured finger is almost healed! I know all my Streamer friends rejoice with me today.

Oh, joy is mine!!! Soon I'll be able to pick my nose once again without using my thumb. And think of the missed "birds" I've had to avoid flipping? It was a struggle. Who but I am qualified to judge the stupidity of all those dumass drivers on our nation's highways??? Soon they again will immediately know when they've messed up, thanks to me! Hallelujah, and praise be, soon I will be able to put on all my clothing without the help of strangers. Although, I'm keeping the pantyhose off as long as possible or at least until the cold wind whistles up my skirt.

How could one little finger do so much? That is always the question when we lose the use of something important. I am very lucky --- my black fingernail will hang on as a reminder to the pain this past month --- but I'm happy my wedding rings fit almost through the whole day now.

Thanks for all the encouraging comments and helping me get through these thirty-four days without a professional manicure, Streamers!

Just before our Sister Weekend, one of the sisters read an article about using handbags to hide one's figure flaws. This set us off on a search for the ultimate --- a gigantic white purse --- to hide our bountiful booties! Each purse we found was bigger than the last and, sure enough, we couldn't see our "junk in the trunk" peeking out from behind it!!! We were in hysterics every time a huge handbag crossed our path. The cringing sales people looked at us like a pack of wild hyenas had found its way into the mall!!

The whole thing made me think of others things we could carry around to make us look smaller. With the trend going to larger people holding mini-tech items, I think we should return to the original humongous cell phones! Its size alone makes me look like a child. Instead of laptops, we could hoist those ten-year-old style computers up on our shoulders or hug it in front of us for that dainty invisible look! Think of the possibilities. Notice how small this super model looks wearing this enormous sombrero?

Sisters Vivian, Rita, and Tracey hiding our bootylicious bounty behind us!

I have a sister who won't eat yellow lettuce. I'm not that picky, but I don't like to find what I call "lettuce butts" in my salad. They're those pale large ends of the lettuce leaves. You know, something that looks like it should have stayed in the ground. They are coarse and hard and always cut weirdly because nobody knows quite what to do with them. Is it food or should I throw it away, the salad maker silently asks during preparatory tossing.

And lately, I've noticed, since the invent of pre-washed bagged salads and lettuces, there are lots of butts included in the mix. But not in my salad --- out they go, along with that brown edged lettuce and black, wet unidentifiable stuff. Most restaurants wouldn't have served any of it a few years ago and now I have to sort through my lettuce leaves and leave only the edibles!